This week has just been crazy and its only tuesday.
Currently, I am sitting here trying to avoid all the really important things I really must do this week. Tonight actually.
So as I contemplate how to read for classes, study for PR and the MPRE and maybe relax a little (yeah right!) I am beginning to wonder if I am really going to be able to make it next semester.
I mean seriously. I am so tired and my baby to be is living in his/her mommy to be. Currently that doesn't require much outside thought/work from me (except the not so occasional, I really shouldnt' be eating this...did I take my vitamin today?...this pain doesn't seem right).
So. Can I actually manage to go to class at night and take care of a newborn during the day? An interesting question.
Anyway, I know it will be just fine...I'll make it work, I always make it work. But I am a new mommy to be and its my job to worry. So I am worrying about how its going to work and how M and I are going to manage. Its going to be hard, but something tells me that looking at my sweet little baby's face will make it all worth it. I can't wait!!!!!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Crazy Pregnancy Hormones!
So yesterday was a friend's baby shower. It was so cute!! She's looking just awesome!! Her belly is big and she's just glowing with being pregnant. It was such a fun time hanging out with a bunch of girls and another pregnant girl.
So why did I come home and cry? Honestly I have no idea, so I am just going to chalk it up to my raging pregnancy hormones. I have felt the last few days I have been unusually happy. Generally I am pretty content, but lately I have been feeling actually HAPPY, so maybe this was just the crash from the elatedness.
Anyway, I would also say that part of it has to do with how crazy life feels right now. I feel like there are not enough hours in the day in which I feel well enough to do anything.
My day starts, I feel refreshed and ready to go...then I do one or two things and end up so tired I need a nap. So of course I sleep for two hours. Awesome. Its just a vicious cycle. If its a school day, I barely have energy to eat dinner when I come home, much less do all the things I really, really need to do.
Currently there are a few things that REALLY, REALLY, need to get done. But here is my current list of things to do.
1. Study for the Professional Responsibility exam
2. Study for the MPRE
3. Email Professors about next semester's classes
4. Print off ultrasound and pregnancy pics to send to family
5. Write and send out Thank You notes for my birthday presents (which was the 17th of Sept....so yeah, I am really behind on that)
6. Organize the room my mother has to sleep in tomorrow night
7. All the reading for my other classes
8. Try to at least finish a draft for my Law and Lit paper
9. Work on my baby's scrapbook
10. Write in my pregnancy journal
11. Read birthing from within
12. Finish reading outlines for the Chalk Talks I was supposed to do last week
13. Lots of other things I cant' remember right now.
Sigh. Life is really busy right now. I really can't wait until Nov. 9. I will only have 2 of my classes left that require work and 3 that are basically finished.
I really hate feeling like this. I just commented on a friend's blog how I am trying to "live in the moment" and here I am writing a post about how I can't wait for the next 3 weeks to be over with. Ugh. So anyway, before I get myself depressed, I am getting off here and doing something more productive.
So why did I come home and cry? Honestly I have no idea, so I am just going to chalk it up to my raging pregnancy hormones. I have felt the last few days I have been unusually happy. Generally I am pretty content, but lately I have been feeling actually HAPPY, so maybe this was just the crash from the elatedness.
Anyway, I would also say that part of it has to do with how crazy life feels right now. I feel like there are not enough hours in the day in which I feel well enough to do anything.
My day starts, I feel refreshed and ready to go...then I do one or two things and end up so tired I need a nap. So of course I sleep for two hours. Awesome. Its just a vicious cycle. If its a school day, I barely have energy to eat dinner when I come home, much less do all the things I really, really need to do.
Currently there are a few things that REALLY, REALLY, need to get done. But here is my current list of things to do.
1. Study for the Professional Responsibility exam
2. Study for the MPRE
3. Email Professors about next semester's classes
4. Print off ultrasound and pregnancy pics to send to family
5. Write and send out Thank You notes for my birthday presents (which was the 17th of Sept....so yeah, I am really behind on that)
6. Organize the room my mother has to sleep in tomorrow night
7. All the reading for my other classes
8. Try to at least finish a draft for my Law and Lit paper
9. Work on my baby's scrapbook
10. Write in my pregnancy journal
11. Read birthing from within
12. Finish reading outlines for the Chalk Talks I was supposed to do last week
13. Lots of other things I cant' remember right now.
Sigh. Life is really busy right now. I really can't wait until Nov. 9. I will only have 2 of my classes left that require work and 3 that are basically finished.
I really hate feeling like this. I just commented on a friend's blog how I am trying to "live in the moment" and here I am writing a post about how I can't wait for the next 3 weeks to be over with. Ugh. So anyway, before I get myself depressed, I am getting off here and doing something more productive.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
My First Pregnancy Rant
I haven't posted in a while but school has been so crazy. Anyway...I would just like to express my feelings regarding my pregnancy and strangers.
In general, I am very open to advice about pregnancy, birthing, parenting, and other related issues because I am a first time mom and its very scary to realize how blindly we go into likely the most important job of my life.
That being said. Advice from strangers can be really annoying. Take for example my recent trip to the store.
The weather recently has gotten chilly. Not jacket chilly per se, but chilly at least in the mornings. I have been trying to fit into some of my sweaters to combat the 50 degree mornings. I decided that I didnt' like the idea of stretching out all my pre-pregnancy sweaters so I decided to go shopping for a maternity or new, bigger sweater.
After searching ALL the stores in town that sell maternity clothes and some that don't, I was not pleased at the selection of sweaters. Admittedly I am a cheapskate and I don't want to pay $45 for a sweater. So I get home and have a coupon to Fashion Bug in my mailbox.
I am excited because Fashion Bug has alot of plus size clothes, they are usually a season ahead and its right across the street from my house.
So I find a sweater. $30 then I have a $10 off coupon. A price I can totally handle. So I am checking out and the lady at the counter asks if I tried on their new jeans. I politely say, I am pregnant so I really can't wear regular jeans. She looks at me and says:
"Why do you want this sweater then? You won't need it."
I (again politely) explain that in the mornings when I go to work, its pretty chilly and not appropriate to wear a t-shirt. She again says:
"Really, you won't need a sweater, you'll be so hot cause your pregnant, I was sooo hot when I was pregnant"
I just look at her and say, "Yes, so I hear, Can I please pay for my sweater??"
UGH!! Seriously! I mean, I understand that come December and January when I am 8 and 9 months pregnant I probably won't need a heavy coat. But at my current 5 and a half months...I need a sweater DAMN IT!!
I really wanted to let Pregzilla out and yell "JUST LET ME BUY THE DAMN SWEATER!!!!"
Finally she let me buy it, but geesh! Its almost as bad as the looks I get for carrying a starbucks coffee cup (HELLO! They also sell hot chocolate and DECAF!!)
Anyway, I haven't really encountered too much of this so far, but I have a feeling, its only the beginning
:D
In general, I am very open to advice about pregnancy, birthing, parenting, and other related issues because I am a first time mom and its very scary to realize how blindly we go into likely the most important job of my life.
That being said. Advice from strangers can be really annoying. Take for example my recent trip to the store.
The weather recently has gotten chilly. Not jacket chilly per se, but chilly at least in the mornings. I have been trying to fit into some of my sweaters to combat the 50 degree mornings. I decided that I didnt' like the idea of stretching out all my pre-pregnancy sweaters so I decided to go shopping for a maternity or new, bigger sweater.
After searching ALL the stores in town that sell maternity clothes and some that don't, I was not pleased at the selection of sweaters. Admittedly I am a cheapskate and I don't want to pay $45 for a sweater. So I get home and have a coupon to Fashion Bug in my mailbox.
I am excited because Fashion Bug has alot of plus size clothes, they are usually a season ahead and its right across the street from my house.
So I find a sweater. $30 then I have a $10 off coupon. A price I can totally handle. So I am checking out and the lady at the counter asks if I tried on their new jeans. I politely say, I am pregnant so I really can't wear regular jeans. She looks at me and says:
"Why do you want this sweater then? You won't need it."
I (again politely) explain that in the mornings when I go to work, its pretty chilly and not appropriate to wear a t-shirt. She again says:
"Really, you won't need a sweater, you'll be so hot cause your pregnant, I was sooo hot when I was pregnant"
I just look at her and say, "Yes, so I hear, Can I please pay for my sweater??"
UGH!! Seriously! I mean, I understand that come December and January when I am 8 and 9 months pregnant I probably won't need a heavy coat. But at my current 5 and a half months...I need a sweater DAMN IT!!
I really wanted to let Pregzilla out and yell "JUST LET ME BUY THE DAMN SWEATER!!!!"
Finally she let me buy it, but geesh! Its almost as bad as the looks I get for carrying a starbucks coffee cup (HELLO! They also sell hot chocolate and DECAF!!)
Anyway, I haven't really encountered too much of this so far, but I have a feeling, its only the beginning
:D
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Happy Birthday to ME!
So Today is my Birthday. I love my birthday. I am not sure why I still think my birthday is the greatest day in the whole year. Yes, its a little childish, Yes, its really not that great to everyone else...but its fun to have a day to me!
So...my day started out awesome, my 9 am class was canceled and I got to sleep in...yay! Then I just spent the rest of the day doing the normal things of my life. But M did get me a card and some chocolates (I got my real present-the camcorder- on Saturday).
But here's the real reason for the post. I realized, that I am officially old.
I have been struggling with the fact that I feel too young to be a mother. I am still in school, I have never had a real "career" type job.
But I realized, 25 is not really that young. I am no longer in my "early 20's" I am officially in my mid-twenties.
I know this is silly, 25 isn't really old, but it feels that way. 25 always sounded so far away and very "adult" and all of a sudden here I am! I am 25!
This could be a product of my mother's doing also. When M and I got married, she was tired of everyone saying how young we were (I was almost 23, he was 22) so she kept telling everyone I was 24. So, in my head, I have been 24 since the summer of 2006 :) So maybe its just that I never felt like I would leave 24. I loved being 24, it felt young but not immature.
I am sure that I will grow into this new age...I mean its just a number right? right? I am also sure that I will freak at 30, 35, 40 and gasp 50! (I seriously can't even imagine being 50...that's twice my age now!! Oh gosh my unborn baby will be 25...ahhh...Owww..my brain hurts!)
Anyway, its my birthday and its been a great day. I am thankful to have birthdays and am looking forward to celebrating many more with M and our new little one!
So...my day started out awesome, my 9 am class was canceled and I got to sleep in...yay! Then I just spent the rest of the day doing the normal things of my life. But M did get me a card and some chocolates (I got my real present-the camcorder- on Saturday).
But here's the real reason for the post. I realized, that I am officially old.
I have been struggling with the fact that I feel too young to be a mother. I am still in school, I have never had a real "career" type job.
But I realized, 25 is not really that young. I am no longer in my "early 20's" I am officially in my mid-twenties.
I know this is silly, 25 isn't really old, but it feels that way. 25 always sounded so far away and very "adult" and all of a sudden here I am! I am 25!
This could be a product of my mother's doing also. When M and I got married, she was tired of everyone saying how young we were (I was almost 23, he was 22) so she kept telling everyone I was 24. So, in my head, I have been 24 since the summer of 2006 :) So maybe its just that I never felt like I would leave 24. I loved being 24, it felt young but not immature.
I am sure that I will grow into this new age...I mean its just a number right? right? I am also sure that I will freak at 30, 35, 40 and gasp 50! (I seriously can't even imagine being 50...that's twice my age now!! Oh gosh my unborn baby will be 25...ahhh...Owww..my brain hurts!)
Anyway, its my birthday and its been a great day. I am thankful to have birthdays and am looking forward to celebrating many more with M and our new little one!
Hello Hurricane Ike!
Ok so this is a little late, for me at least, but I thought I must talk about this weekend.
Sunday we lost power. We spent the night sitting in candle light playing monopoly. It was fun to do something with M that didnt' involve sports, a tv, and/or food. But waking up to no power just plain sucked.
So...Monday night we decided to drive to his sister's place in Ft. Knox and watch the Dallas game and let me shower.
But before we left, I had a little break down...
I couldn't handle it. We had to throw away so much food that I just bawled like a little baby. This was probably made worse by a few things...M bought me a great birthday present (a camcorder) but we spent more than we intended and I had just spent $50 at whole foods on fruit and seafood. The fruit was saved, but the seafood was $40 of that purchase. I had felt so guilty for buying such expensive food and then we just threw it out. So I cried. We hadn't even been out of power for 24 hours and I was a wreck. So I feel very, very bad for my friends who still do not have power tonight. I. Can't. Imagine.
I thought that I would have been better at handling such a situation. But I was so disoriented and stressed out. It was terrible. I felt like the world's biggest baby. I just couldn't handle it. Thankfully, some one was thinking of me and we got our power back on Monday night.
I have learned my lesson though, we need batteries and good candles for light. Next time I will be prepared!
Sunday we lost power. We spent the night sitting in candle light playing monopoly. It was fun to do something with M that didnt' involve sports, a tv, and/or food. But waking up to no power just plain sucked.
So...Monday night we decided to drive to his sister's place in Ft. Knox and watch the Dallas game and let me shower.
But before we left, I had a little break down...
I couldn't handle it. We had to throw away so much food that I just bawled like a little baby. This was probably made worse by a few things...M bought me a great birthday present (a camcorder) but we spent more than we intended and I had just spent $50 at whole foods on fruit and seafood. The fruit was saved, but the seafood was $40 of that purchase. I had felt so guilty for buying such expensive food and then we just threw it out. So I cried. We hadn't even been out of power for 24 hours and I was a wreck. So I feel very, very bad for my friends who still do not have power tonight. I. Can't. Imagine.
I thought that I would have been better at handling such a situation. But I was so disoriented and stressed out. It was terrible. I felt like the world's biggest baby. I just couldn't handle it. Thankfully, some one was thinking of me and we got our power back on Monday night.
I have learned my lesson though, we need batteries and good candles for light. Next time I will be prepared!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Thanksgiving Two Months Early
I debated what to name this blog today because to day is a very special day in our history. And in many ways it feels much more real than the pilgrims landing at plymouth rock. But here it is anyway.
So this week has been INCREDIBLY stressful. It culminated in a crying/screaming fit last night to my poor hubby who really didn't do anything wrong and the crying/screaming wasn't really directed at him (or anyone for that matter).
Today I feel calmer and more collected. I realized I hadn't posted in a while and was trying to think of what to write about and then I realized that a few events have happened in the last week or so that have reminded me of how lucky I am and what a blessed life I truly lead. So here are a few of things I am most thankful for right now and the events that reminded me.
September 11, 2001
This particular event really doesn't need any explanation so I will leave it at this
- I am so thankful for my family. Everyone is happy, healthy and alive. For that I am thankful as today we remembered all the people who were lost on 9/11 and who have died since serving our country. Thank you for keeping my family safe.
- I am thankful for my husband. Many husbands, wives and companions were lost those no so many years ago. I am thankful that he has such patience with me and my pregnant hormones and my general disposition. I am thankful that he loves me as much as he does. For that I couldn't be luckier.
-I am thankful that I live in America. Even though I often worry about the future our country and don't really have answers for the problems, I am thankful that I live here and enjoy the many freedoms I do have.
A blogger friend of mine lost her pregnancy recently
-I really don't know this woman outside of her blog and message boards but I felt a special bond with her and many other women who are mothers and are pregnant now that I am pregnant and I am watching as she struggles through this hard time with a positive attitude and a strong spirit.
-I am thankful for my own pregnancy. For all the aches, the pains and the bad acne...all of it. I am thankful that I can reproduce and carry a life inside me.
-I am thankful for my life experiences that hopefully will make me a better mother and a better lawyer.
-I am thankful and in awe of this beautiful little life that is growing, tumbling and kicking inside of me, that makes my heart skip a beat when I become of aware of his/her movements and the surprise, wonder, joy, frustration and learning s/he will bring to my life.
Yoga
-I am sooo thankful for yoga. I had never before stepped into a yoga studio until about 6 weeks ago. I never knew what I was missing. I am so thankful for the hour I have every week to devote to myself, my body and my baby. I forget about all the things in the world that are bothering me, law school disappears, stress disappears. And its just me in a very small and very large way. It is humbling and exhilarating at the same time.
-I am thankful to Lucie for suggesting yoga to me and sharing this incredible gift of mind, body and spirit.
So....
For now that's about it. There are many other things in my life, but I must move on to some of the pressing matters...but I am glad to have taken some time today and really thought about all the things in my life that are great and wonderful. Even if things get crazy and hectic.
I hope everyone is having a great night and looking forward to a relaxing and productive weekend.
So this week has been INCREDIBLY stressful. It culminated in a crying/screaming fit last night to my poor hubby who really didn't do anything wrong and the crying/screaming wasn't really directed at him (or anyone for that matter).
Today I feel calmer and more collected. I realized I hadn't posted in a while and was trying to think of what to write about and then I realized that a few events have happened in the last week or so that have reminded me of how lucky I am and what a blessed life I truly lead. So here are a few of things I am most thankful for right now and the events that reminded me.
September 11, 2001
This particular event really doesn't need any explanation so I will leave it at this
- I am so thankful for my family. Everyone is happy, healthy and alive. For that I am thankful as today we remembered all the people who were lost on 9/11 and who have died since serving our country. Thank you for keeping my family safe.
- I am thankful for my husband. Many husbands, wives and companions were lost those no so many years ago. I am thankful that he has such patience with me and my pregnant hormones and my general disposition. I am thankful that he loves me as much as he does. For that I couldn't be luckier.
-I am thankful that I live in America. Even though I often worry about the future our country and don't really have answers for the problems, I am thankful that I live here and enjoy the many freedoms I do have.
A blogger friend of mine lost her pregnancy recently
-I really don't know this woman outside of her blog and message boards but I felt a special bond with her and many other women who are mothers and are pregnant now that I am pregnant and I am watching as she struggles through this hard time with a positive attitude and a strong spirit.
-I am thankful for my own pregnancy. For all the aches, the pains and the bad acne...all of it. I am thankful that I can reproduce and carry a life inside me.
-I am thankful for my life experiences that hopefully will make me a better mother and a better lawyer.
-I am thankful and in awe of this beautiful little life that is growing, tumbling and kicking inside of me, that makes my heart skip a beat when I become of aware of his/her movements and the surprise, wonder, joy, frustration and learning s/he will bring to my life.
Yoga
-I am sooo thankful for yoga. I had never before stepped into a yoga studio until about 6 weeks ago. I never knew what I was missing. I am so thankful for the hour I have every week to devote to myself, my body and my baby. I forget about all the things in the world that are bothering me, law school disappears, stress disappears. And its just me in a very small and very large way. It is humbling and exhilarating at the same time.
-I am thankful to Lucie for suggesting yoga to me and sharing this incredible gift of mind, body and spirit.
So....
For now that's about it. There are many other things in my life, but I must move on to some of the pressing matters...but I am glad to have taken some time today and really thought about all the things in my life that are great and wonderful. Even if things get crazy and hectic.
I hope everyone is having a great night and looking forward to a relaxing and productive weekend.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Bittersweet endings
This weekend was a great weekend. Nothing really special happened, but sometimes those make the greatest days and moments.
Last weekend, M and I went to Wisconsin for a cousins wedding. It was fun, but a long drive and we came home feeling more stressed than relaxed. I could have prepared better had I realized the wedding was at the end of the first week of my classes and the weekend before M's class started. Oh well. Better planning this time.
So I canceled my trip to the lake in lieu of a quiet weekend. But this just didn't feel right to me. For any of you who don't know me super well....I love the lake house. I have gone at least once a summer since I was 9. It has got to be my favorite place on earth. Its nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains on the Georgia/Tennessee border. The lake drains into the Ocoee River which boasts as the kayaking river for the 1996 Olympics. It is the most gorgeous place on earth, and I have been to a few very nice places.
Anyway, so on Monday I went to my 16 week appointment, sooo happy to hear the baby (but that's another post) and talked to my mom (BTW she works at my drs. office) and decided that I would go after all. For this I was greatly excited!
I drove down with my mom and the kids (all 5 of us :D) and we had a nice relaxing weekend. We didn't do much of anything but swim, read, eat and go out on the boat.
But leaving this time was so incredibly hard. It will be my last time at the lake for about 2 years. It took all I had not to cry for the last 4 hours we were there.
It was so hard because I feel like, my 'last' trip to the lake really solidified for me the changes I am about to make in my life. I am about to leave (in 6 months) all that I have known and all that I love for the great unknown. I know its part of growing up, I know its part of being a half of a whole and I know its for the betterment of M's career. But it doesn't make moving half way across the country much easier.
So anyway, this weekend was a bittersweet moment for me. I am almost 25 and I feel like my life is coming very close to a cross roads. I may know which path to take, but the taking it is still so hard....
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