Bittersweet Days Ahead

I haven't posted in a long time, but today I just needed to get this all down.

Yesterday was my last first day of school and for that I couldn't be happier. I am so excited being done with Law school and moving on to having a real career. Even though I have decided to wait to take the bar exam until Feb. 2010, I am still excited about putting this chapter of my life behind me. I am FINALLY ready to grow up and move on.

What I am NOT ready for is this baby to come. Not in the way you think though!

So last night was kinda rough. Late classes (and classes in general) are hard on a 9 month pregnant lady! Sitting still, in semi-comfortable chairs, for 3 hours is really hard. I made it, but I felt pretty miserable.

I came home last night and was crying to M about it. I was whining because I have been so busy I feel like I haven't been able to enjoy the last week or so with my baby. I haven't been able to sit and enjoy his/her movements like I normally do. I have a quilt, a scrapbook, and a few other projects I want to finish before the baby comes and I just don't see an end in sight for all the things I have going on.

So, in the end we were laying in bed and I was saying how I just wished the baby would come. I want to see my baby so bad, to know whether its a boy or a girl, to love it and hold it and watch it grow. But M reminded me of something that I had forgotten:

That I will only be pregnant for the first time, with our first child for four more weeks.

When he told me that I cried (I'm crying again about it). It so sad to think, that I will never be here again. I LOVE being pregnant. There are so many wonderful, awesome things about being pregnant that I never knew about. In the beginning, before we told the world, it was neat to know that I had this secret, this secret little life growing inside of me. It was mine (and M's) and no one else's.

Once I started showing it has been so cool to watch my belly grow, knowing this little miracle was growing so fast inside me.

Once the baby started kicking, it was an amazing feeling every, single time. I have only had one day in which baby was kicking so hard for so long I felt sick...otherwise, its been a welcome sign that everything is ok.

I love that the baby is always with me, s/he is here where ever I go, no matter what. The baby is so safe and secure here inside me. It makes me sad to know that in a few short weeks the baby won't be inside me anymore. That I might have to depend on others to love, hold, feed, protect him/her. Its a scary thought to me.

Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest because I am feeling a little sad (and excited) about the end of my pregnancy. I feel so blessed to have had such an easy, fun pregnancy and (hopefully) healthy baby come out of this wonderful experience. I am just a little sad that it has to end...40 weeks is not enough time!